There exists across time and culture a representation known as the “joker archetype”. Also known as the clown, trickster, practical joker, and the fool, he lives in the present moment and is light-hearted and carefree. He does not analyse the past, he does not plan for the future. To him, making light of life is all that matters.
This archetype exists in all of us to some degree, and without him, we are deprived of joy and laughter. He is a healthy and necessary part of us. Yet some of us take this to the extreme, let him become our entire being, and allow him free reign to cause absolute chaos.
In the past, the joker archetype ran my life. Growing up with ADHD in a highly competitive school, I found that being the class clown was my shortcut to being accepted. If I couldn’t compete at the level of others, I could instead hide behind my self-deprecating humour, pretend that life didn’t matter, and that I didn’t really care anyway.
This is a common trait and a common reaction to a world that appears to be laughing at those who fall short – if we can laugh at ourselves better than anyone else, we’ve beaten them to the punch. On a pop culture level, think of Bart Simpson. On a national identity level, thinking of the Australian cultural cringe.
But I took this joker archetype to the extreme. I started getting drunk in school, laughing off the beginnings of a lifetime of serious substance abuse, allowing myself to fall well short of my potential during my Higher School Certificate (HSC). This stayed with me throughout most of my adult life, as I joked about my inability to reach my potential on my propensity for getting drunk. My reasoning was “why aim for something high when I could just as easily be a party animal and blame my mediocre results on all of that?”. I even set up a Facebook account one time with the nickname “Joe Kerr” – plastered wall-to-wall with photos of me, well, plastered – and I have had zero qualms posting some of the most compromising photos and embarrassing situations online for all to see. After all, I was just a clown and nothing more.
The reality is that this self-deprecating life was nothing more than an attempt to hide the fear that deep down, I had an enormous amount of potential that I was hiding from the world. I was scared to develop myself and allow my talents to unfold. What if I failed? What if I fell short? Left unchecked, this archetype turns a person into a monster. Bart Simpson eventually becomes The Joker from Batman – happily creating scenarios where he can wreak havoc upon his own self and those around him for the simple fact that by allowing himself to feel scorned and embittered, he sees value in neither himself nor others. I haven’t blown up any hospitals, but I did become a force for destruction that ultimately led to my ruin.
Having run this story until the wheels fell off, it was time to rebuild. It was time to drop the act and allow the king to reclaim the court from the jester. It was time for the king to start showing up for himself and those around him and quit pretending that life can be one endless comical performance without the kingdom falling apart.
Showing up as a king hasn’t killed the fear inside. If anything, it’s amplified it. It has been far easier to get drunk and post pictures of myself doing something ridiculous than it ever has been to post stories of success, challenge, struggle and triumph. With the joker mask off, I have to allow the possibility of fear and failure to show up alongside the stories of success. I have to allow the possibility that I will still be laughed at or criticised, but without the veil of comedy or the pretence that “I actually don’t care”. It’s scary as hell, but there’s really no other way.
My question to you is this. Where have you been hiding behind your “joker”? Which parts of your soul have you outsourced out of fear? Whereabouts in your life, right now, would rather pretend to play it small and laugh off your shortcomings as an ingrained part of you, rather than working on them to improve your life and the lives of those around you?
Play with your joker. Entertain him. Let him entertain you. But do not let him forget who is really in charge.
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